How DARE I!

I have not even looked to see the last time I posted on here. I do see I have/had 5 followers. I guess I need to check that out, since I do need a place to vent.

I don't really understand what happened to me last night. I ended up not being able to even sleep since I could not calm my mind. All kinds of things started to swirl around up there in my mind that I just could not stop. 

The only thing I thought of to do was think back to what all has changed or been different about my past few days that was out of the normal. 

My daughter-in-law is getting ready for a Holiday 'Photo' shoot she at a little shop in the town where they live. She needed holiday decorations and so I invited her to my 'attic' to dig through the many boxes I have stored up there.

In the course of her 'looking' she found a box of photos. I have tried hard to NOT store photos in my crummy attic. It get super hot and super cold up there. But there was a box. How did that happen? The panic of trying to get 'stuff' out of my way and it was handed up and stored up there. I just could not stop thinking about it. I knew I could probably not get the box down along and didn't even think to ask for help before my son and his wife took off! 

So for hours and hours I sat trying to relax. My husband was sound asleep on the floor. I didn't want to wake him up and ask for help. So I just sat there and keep thinking.....

I was not able to sleep very well..and had this box of photos on my mind!

So I wake up, make my coffee. I am thinking I need to put back the boxes of the stuff my daughter in law decided to not take for her photo booth. 

I even put on my tennis shoes, better to climb that damn attic ladder in shoes I think! Ladder is pulled down and UP I go!

I look at that box it has even lost it's lid, so that makes me think it has been there longer than I think. Snow can and does blow in that attic. I think to myself I don't even want to LOOK what condition they were in! 

I looked around a bit in the attic. And then thought I would just make my way down balancing this large office box full of photos! I was about 1/4 of the way down when the box moved off the one ladder rung I was using to keep it and me balanced....I started to go backwards, leaned up and pushed the box back up on the top ledge of the attic floor. I tried it again and this time just about was to the bottom when I lost my footing [you can not see the rungs with a box in your hands] and DOWN I WENT! 

My right heel hit the floor first and then my right hip on the door frame of the closet door [OH YES....this whole ladder is in a 'closet' to boot! DEAR LORD] 

I caught the falling box and not one package of photos were lost! 

I could see by the top package, they were photos taken when my youngest daughter was born. All hospital photos of all the kids holding here and a few of my mother-in -law and father-in-law holding her too! I am still wondering when that box made it up to the attic! 

I think it also bothered me that I was being so irresponsible. I think it got to me. After some of the issues I found in my mother's house last winter when I needed to purge and empty it, I guess I knew that if my kids would have found those.... well... they would have talked about ME like I talked about my mother!! 

New plan. Empty the attic and find a way to organize, store or purge what is up there and in very drawer and closet before I am dead! 

I hope I can live for another 40 years... cause it will take me that long I am sure! 

One of those days

I found this picture on the internet somewhere...and it brought me such a good feeling. I like how the flowers fence and the 'outhouse' all worked together under this tree. 


I remember the outhouse that we had on this farm when we first moved here. Since we had an indoor toilet it was something we used by 'choice'! So I guess for families that didn't have indoor plumbing the memories of an outhouse would be very different.  


I still have hopes of having an outhouse back on my property and I would finish the plantings around it much like the one in this picture. 


I guess it is just one of those days that I have my mind thinking of things like this. Wonder if that is a good thing.

It has been 10 months since I posted to this blog. I know it is time...just like my 'mini' iris to start to get moving...get to life. These plants were from a start that Aunt Lois shared with me. It was by accident that she said to me one day when we were walking on her back walk, that these plants had come from my Grandma Fairy. Grandma died in 1954 and I have just a few mini memories of her, so to see thing that she shared, like these iris are a good feeling. Aunt Lois shared a start with me. And they do struggle to find a place to be happy in my front flower beds. I always watch for these little plants to grow each year..and it has been very slow coming..but each year after the snow, ice and digging of my dogs paws they seem to make it! They are the first iris to bloom and I can't wait to see them again this year. I feel like I am one of them...waiting to bloom too... It is time..time for me to start growing and to bloom. I can hear my grandma cheering me on.

I just found this GREAT artist on Esty....it is right up my alley!

Check it out ...and it is a give away...so act FAST!

Grandmother Poems and Grandfather Poems: Poems and Things To Do With Grandchildren

Grandmother Poems and Grandfather Poems: Poems and Things To Do With Grandchildren

Sometimes life gives you some time to just go..........hummmmmmmmm

To everything there is a season. 

 Today I had a conversation with a young friend of mine. She was sharing how there were people in her life that were always "letting her down". She was trying to process if it was time to just let those people go. She told me she didn't want to burn bridges ..but I just told her...you don't have to burn anything..but you CAN walk to the other side.

As she and I chatted, I thought about a lot of the feeling I have been having about my own 'friends'. It is always hard, when you have a close, connected relationship with another person and you end up feeling 'let down'. One of those people you talk to most everyday. One of those people you can share anything with and they can share anything with you. Then after years of being in each others lives something seems to change and the phone calls stop happening and the distance starts to creep in.

Sometimes it can be an event that causes things like this to happen. But there are also times that nothing really 'happens'...but that person just seems to be GONE from you. 

I have been around a long time and much longer than my young friend. But I must admit, that those times in my life when this has happened to me has been some of my lowest times of my life. 

I have always taken time to look at myself...see if I am just too honest or too depressing and bring that other person down with me..therefore they run away. I have always tried to get these people to talk to me about what might have happened...how I make them feel or how 'they' are feeling. 

If it has been how they do feel about me and how I effect them and this has been the case, no one has ever shared that is how they have felt. Most often they have shared, their life has become filled with a new job, doing new and busy things with their kids, connecting with a new husband..and the list goes on. 

At any rate, I don't know really why we lose friends that have seemed so close to us...but after having it happen to me in my life...I can only think it is just part of life.

To everything there is a season.

Two steps forward......three steps back?

There are lots of times you hear two steps forward and three steps back. I always thought it was so discouraging...to think that no matter how are we try we are always behind!!

I love to do things with my hands...and knitting has a given me the chance to 'make things' with my hands. 

But I must admit, that very often, I start a pattern or pick up a yarn that I just 'don't like'! So I find myself taking the project apart. And putting the pattern aside [or just throwing it away] and putting the yarn back in my 'stash' for another day.

The past few weeks or maybe for over a month, I have been doing this a lot. I started a vest pattern using sock yarn. I spend hours on it getting the body part of it done. I held it up to myself [since I was looking for a project I could finish for ME] and just didn't like the way it laid or the way the colors of the yarn was 'patterning' up. SO...I torn the whole thing apart...wound up the yarn and put the yarn away.

I found a 'sweater pattern' on line that also uses sock yarn...so last night...I grabbed the sock yarn from the torn apart vest pattern and started knitting away on the new sweater pattern.

I must admit, I really don't know if I will like it when it is done, or if I will again, get to a point where I can see I don't like the pattern or something and again tear it apart! 

BUT that two steps forward and three steps back...well....sometimes it is all about the process...even if you don't get 'steps' ahead by others standards...we do LEARN during the process...we do make good use of the time but seeing what we do and don't like. 

I am heading for my knitting needles now...going to pick up the sweater that is is only a collar and about an inch of 'shoulders' and start knitting away.

I can take my two steps ahead how I see to do it...and it is my choice to NOT do the three steps behind part! :)